...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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