This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
