Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
