so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
