seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
