she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
