Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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