I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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