WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
