I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
