His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
