Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
