I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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