Apparently you make a good broom.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
