Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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