fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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