she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
