Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i came on her dog
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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