I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
