moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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