remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
