I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
