he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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