I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
