Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
