She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
