Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
