I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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