Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
