3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
