You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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