when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
