Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize