The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
