why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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