I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
