remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
