Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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