glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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