so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
two words: eviction party
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
