omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
