you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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