I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
