There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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