im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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