I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
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