I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
