Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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