Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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