I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is my gift to your gina
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
