I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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