You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this beer tastes like vomit already
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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