i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
