So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
