Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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