I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
