u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
