Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
